WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT to stop your compulsive thinking? Why is it that underneath the persona that you show the world you really are a sometimes violent, sometimes fearful person? Why can’t you simply rid yourself of this negative ‘ego thingy' that you are told you have?
Because you are scared stiff that if you did, you wouldn’t exist anymore. You are very comfortable and familiar with this, sometimes ornery self that you regard as being who you are. You know it very well... after all you’ve been identifying with it since shortly after you were born.
And anyway... have you even got an ‘ego’? I mean, you’ve only been told you have. Other people say that it is wrecking your life... and mankind too. They say you should get rid of it. But when you look for it within yourself you only see the person you have always been.
And even if you did make an effort to get rid of it... then who would you be? You can’t check out what would happen beforehand just to make sure you’re safe, because you can only check out what is known! Your mind only has access to the past and in the past, you were and still are this mysterious ‘ego thingy’ you call You.
So, as an experiment, try to carefully watch the thoughts (especially the negative thoughts) that are constantly churning around in your mind and see what happens. Don’t identify with them or judge them, just watch. The best way to do that is by pretending to be somebody else, a bystander... a passive, impartial observer.
The difficulty in watching yourself is to remain calm and collected when something happens that you don’t expect, like some unexpected crisis, or somebody suddenly goes and does or says something to you that you don’t like.
When this happens it’s hard to remain conscious and centred and not slip back into the old unconscious habit of responding with anger or fear, but it’s something that you need to learn to do if you want to grow...
______________and expecting the other person to die.”
Header: A wonderful morning at ‘Coolum Beach’, Sunshine Coast,
Queensland, Australia.~ Photo by Dr. Karen Sutherland.
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